Deja Vu

There are times you want to make sense of everything that has been happening.
 Of the things you have been doing.
The things that you thought would make you feel better.
The things that are actually making you feel better.
The things you have kept doing since you were a child.
The things you think of doing tomorrow when tomorrow never came.

You try to draw inspiration from all the goodness in the world.
You realize you are not that noble anymore.
You feel jealous of the accomplishments of the others.
The humility you used to feel in others success belittles you now.
You have become a mere shadow of your true self.
The little child grew up into a woman you know nothing about now.
The joys of simple life are elusive to you now.
Some chimera you have been following.
Sometime between yesterday and today your dreams became a shadow of your sorry self.

You had thought that you could do much better
That you would not stumble like other souls you had come across
You thought you are invincible.
You thought you had won the battle when the war hadn't even started yet.
You thought you could build castles
You ended up building dungeons.
Filled to the brim with prisoners and slaves of another era.

You wanted to bloom into a soft and supple flower
You wanted to own the world
You gave up your soul for what
Nothing I guess
Now the dream has been thrashed to the ground
The old paving the way for the new.

At times you feel so old
Like you have lived this era of time before
A sense of deja vu prevails
Burning you the ground
You see your imminent death looming large.
You repent as you have lost your time
You lament of the stories held close to your heart

In divine blessings you believe no more
The demons in hell await for your dark breath
Your time is up you know that now
Your counting your last moments of pain and grief
In this moment you find solitude that was long banished to you
You smile at your reflection
The coward that you have become
The once tall frame
Shriveling now from excessive burden of pain

You remember the occasional glory
The folk lore so lovingly recited by your mother
The jolly laughter in the barn
The fairy tale lovers
The candles and roses
The youth gone by..